I'm 18 and in a long distance relationship...preferable guy advice but girls are welcome too?

Me and my boyfriend are both 18. He moved far away at the end of my senior yr but we decided to stay together. He's my first boyfriend, he's all I know. When he's here everything is fine..as long as we don't talk about our problems I can see it all over his face that he does not EVER wanna talk about our problems. But when he leaves, and we argue and brings them up just to hurt my feelings. (I'm not assuming he actually told me he was trying to hurt my feelings) He has now resorted to almost never calling me, he never tells me anything, and we barely text. I told him I think about him all the time and he said he doesn't think about me at all b/c it hurts too much. When it all comes down to it, he tells me he loves me and doesn't want to break up. Our problems bother him (the other night he said he doesn't know me anymore and I don't know him) but he won't talk about them. Sometimes I think it's me. I even feel stupid right now for asking advice on the internet, but sometimes an outside opinion can help right? Can someone help me understand what I'm supposed to do?I'm 18 and in a long distance relationship...preferable guy advice but girls are welcome too?
A lot of men use avoidance, it is a natural defense mechanism. But by not talking about your problems, it seems like you two are only putting a band aide on the problem, which easily comes off when he goes away. He probably doesn't want to spend the little bit of time he has with you in person fighting... after all, I am sure you both anticipate seeing one another after being apart so why ruin the moment? however... even though you are happy, the problems are going to keep coming back up if you don't find a way to resolve them. I can't tell you how to resolve your relationship problems, nor do I know what they are.


Another issue it sounds like you are having is that you are over-analyzing the relationship and it's feelings so much that you are clouding who you are and the person your boyfriend came to love. I know that it's tough when you love someone.... you are paranoid that anything you do or say could ruin it... you love someone so much you are terrified to lose them. It sounds like you could use a break from carrying all of the weight of the relationship's problems. Talk about this with him... let him know that you feel like you worry about the relationship too much and apologize for creating a lot of drama. I realize that it's a two way street and he probably has made mistakes as well... but it takes a strong person to stand up and admit their own faults and it usually results in opening a door for the other person to confess their own doings.... I am not guaranteeing that you will get an apology in return, but at least he would see that you are making efforts to get back to being more relaxed and carefree about the relationship. Men love consistency and calmness in a relationship just as much as women do. If a relationship is going to work out long term, it is going to take a lot of love, forgiveness and an open heart and mind. When he talks, try not to cloud your ears with emotions and really listen and take in the information THEN process it. It's so hard to do but practicing being a good listener and patient communicator will make you a better partner and you will find it easier to get to the root of your problems together.


Next time the old problems come up, try and approach it in a new way instead of the usual arguing or hurting one each others feelings. Tell him that you would like to understand where he is coming from and help to sooth the pains that he has with the problems rather than pointing fingers at one another anymore. Be super calm and loving when you approach him and try not to re-hash things too much. Show him a positive attitude towards things getting better because a relationship that lacks optimism is often times going to get stuck in ruts... Take a step back from this and take some time for yourself. Take up some new hobbies, yoga, sports, swimming, anything relaxing you can share with some friends. Taking time for yourself will help your stress levels and assist in your calmness about the relationship as well as give you new stuff to talk about with him. Men are attracted to women that are outgoing, social and have stuff going on in their lives.... get a new makeover to help boost your self confidence and shoot him some pretty pics of yourself. You could hold up a sign in the pic that says ';can't wait until you come home!!!'; on top of having a new sexy look.... that will really get his attention back on you rather than stuck in ';I don't know you anymore'; land.....


When you try to control your relationship too much, it can get out of control and you can lose your sense of self. Try to relax and collect some new, positive thoughts about recovering with your beau and getting back to the love you two have shared all along. :) good luck sweety...... things should start to look up when he gets home... long distance relationships are straining!!!I'm 18 and in a long distance relationship...preferable guy advice but girls are welcome too?
Well your boyfriend is moody.


I reckon your better off without him.. you need someone that will treat you much better than that.


It seems like your a pile of shite to him.
Hi. My first long term relationship was similar, except we were a bit older and he had to move away for 2 years. And I think I reacted much as your bf, because we only got to see each other one weekend every month or two, and I felt this big pressure for it to be perfect. If had cramps, tough - I had to be on my A Game! If I was bothered by work crap, tough...why waste our together time whining? So I couldn't be natural.





And I think what's happening is natural. You guys never broke up and neither of you wants to....but you're in a Catch 22 because you're still teenagers and can't take the relationship to the next level. And that runs a big risk because you're not learning about adult relationships and the 24/7 grind they can cause - in fact, you're not learning at all about them.





I know how hard this is, but I honestly think the two of you need to risk your feelings and explore other relationships. In some cases, one of the people moves to where the other is, but sadly you're both way too young to take a step of that magnitude, even if it was possible.